Stress Relief!

One thing I noticed being away for so long from my wife and kids is that I get stressed out easily. Only then do I realise how much the impact of having my own family around on reducing my stress level. I believe I could handle the pressure and stress while at work, it's just when I get back to my parents' house, there's no way for me to destress or forget the challenges at work. I end up doing more work and getting more worried about the task I'm working on. Hope this will end soon or I need to find some ways to release the tension.

On other matters, the project I'm working on proceeding well so far, as well as it could be, given the limited time we were given to deliver. As expected, my major challenge is managing the various parties and people involved in this project. Handling users' expectations, controlling the vendor and at the same time, controlling the overall schedule and other aspects of the project. It is quite a big task and it being a high profile project kind of doesn't help. However, I hope to hang on and see this task through right through the end. There are still some areas which can be improved such as the communication within my company's team and the contractor's PM must really buck up. He's just so emotional and defensive at times. Just do what you're expected to do lah and don't wait to be reminded.

I also would like to see more commitment from my company's team involved in this project. I was kind of parachuted into this project and I don't have any direct reports, compared to my last job. This sort of posed another challenge as I have to get people to complete tasks for me while at the same time they are reporting to someone else. So far, I've not encountered so much problem on this and hope the support will continue. I do have a problem with regards to ownership and commitment. I see the users coming in during the weekends or going back late at night to complete tasks, and I wonder why we cannot match them in this case. Is it because of the lack of ownership to ensure your work area is completed? I suppose these are all the challenges that I need to manage in the coming days and weeks. Conflicts are bound to happen but as long everyone work together to complete the project, I'm sure we can be successful.

Just waiting for Friday to happen so that I can go back to see my wife and kids. :(

Challenges of a 'Single' Mother

Awi seems to be having a bad day the past few days. Haziq has not been behaving himself. Always screaming, throwing things at his mother and the worst is kicking her sister. Looks like he's craving for attention. When Awi is feeding Hana, of course she cannot give much attention to Haziq and he seems not to be enjoying the 2nd class treatment. When I'm around at least I can also give some attention to him.

She doesn't sound so good over the phone and I think might be a bit depressed. There's not much that I can do in our current situation. I can only ask her to be patient and pray for my family wellbeing. Not sure how long she can handle this situation, if it doesn't get better. She might resort to taking unpaid leave or even quitting. But it is such a big loss to stop working, so that is a decision that needs to be thought of properly.

I do hate putting her in this situation and she is getting the worse deal. To her, this is the biggest challenge she has to undergo throughout our marriage so far. It's quite hard to give psychological support over the phone but the only consolation I can give her is that I'm relatively near and can at least travel to where she is within 5 hours. It's not like I'm half way around the world or something.

Dekat je Kerteh...

Planning to travel down to KL this afternoon. Kena start balik routine weekend husband lah. Tomorrow kerja one day in KL and then drive back to Kerteh after work. It's tiring but I really want to maximise time with my family and ensure that I don't miss too much of my children's growing up process. Most people kind of thought it's too far for me to drive to and fro each week but if it has to be done, then I have to do it. Awi is doing a lot looking after 2 children on her own for most of the time, I must do something as well, being the father. Also, don't want Hana not to recognise her own father, right? It's to devastating.

Anyway, the bag's all packed and I hope to get to work early tomorrow and do as much as possible within that one day. The project is at a crucial stage at the moment and there's a snag due to missing key information. Hope we can sort it all out tomorrow of find a solution to the problem.

Absence of More Than A Year

Wow! It's been more than one year since I last put an entry to my blog. Based on the latest entry it was 31 Aug 2004. Fuyooh, so much had happened since then, I don't think it's possible to write them all in. Basically the key events:

1. Awi gave birth to a lovely baby girl, Hana in November 2005, 2nd day Raya to be exact.
2. Haziq is a sporting 2.5 year boy. Such an active boy and can really test your patience. But at the end of the day, he's such a lovable boy and you just can't help thinking that he's growing so quickly.
3. I've been transferred to KL to handle a project under the same company. Word is that this is going to be a permanent move but at the moment, I have to travel to and fro Kerteh as Awi is still working and she won't be getting a transfer soon in the coming months, based on the speed that her company process such movement. However, I do pray that it's sooner rather than later since it sure sucks being away from the family for long periods of time. :(

Not sure what triggered me to restart blogging. Hehehe, am not even sure if this is a permanent start or just a splurt of motivation. A number of people have been asking me to update my blog, for various reasons. Awi, so that Hana will not be jealous since I wrote quite a lot on Haziq since he was a baby. My current boss or the person I'm reporting to for my project has also mentioned the same thing. Some of my friends, Am and Junai have also said something of that sorts.

Anyway, we'll see how long I can keep this up. What's with work, the travelling, nak melayan Haziq & Hana, not sure if I have the energy or time to do it. We as a family, are going through a migration of sorts, a Hijrah, a period of change. In my professional career, the last one year has all been about managing change. Suddenly being put in a managerial position of sorts, having many direct reports and dealing with senior management. It sure has been one hell of a ride but we managed to go through the rough patches as a team and I'm proud to see how some of the team members have matured and now handling hig level issues and direct reports themselves. However, as a family, this is also a challenge for us. For me to be a weekend husband, for Awi to look after 2 children most of the time (which I have to say she's doing a fabulous & wonderful job). Initially, we were quite scared of the unknown, contemplating of Awi to take unpaid leave, having to work & live in KL, basically uprooting our lives here in Kerteh. However, nothing happens without a reason. We've talked about moving to KL but never really put that into a schedule. This sorts of hits us in the face and force us to react and plan. I like to look at things positively and perhaps this is God's way of telling us to start reacting and planning. Of course, in the coming months, things won't get easier but Insyallah, we can overcome any obstacles. Allah has said that He won't give any challenges to his ummah of that they are not able to overcome. The most important thing is for us to do it together, talk of issues (of which there'll be for sure) and deal with them.

Just kind of terkilan of not able to see Hana grow up during these crucial months. Let's just hope it won't be for too long!!